Victim advocate warns of dangers related to obsessive stalking

HIAWASSEE, Ga. – January is National Stalking Awareness Month and the North Enotah Domestic Violence Task Force hopes to educate the public on how obsession begins and how it can turn deadly as a result. Betsy Ramsey of S.A.F.E. – and acronym for Support in Abusive Family Emergencies – explained that obsession begins when one person decides that another person will fulfill all of his or her needs.

“Obsession can also be dangerous, and when it becomes obsessive jealousy the danger often increases,” Ramsey said. “If a person becomes obsessed and is rejected, that person may choose to kill the target of the obsession in as little as three weeks. Yes, from the time that the two people even knew the other existed. A target gets the stalker at the end of the last obsession. If the stalker is at the high end of escalation, a homicide can occur because the targeted person said, ‘ no, I don’t want to go out with you.’ Stalkers don’t like the word no. In fact, stalkers don’t respond well to any rejection, whether real or perceived. The other challenge is that as stalkers escalate, their manipulative skills increase so they are good at fooling other people.”

Ramsey said that there are often no outward signs that someone may be an obsessive stalker, although sometimes it may be suspected by observing an individual. The potential triggers that entice stalkers are widespread. “It can be from seeing a photograph, hearing a voice on the telephone, or looking across the room. It can be from a certain look, a mannerism, a person smiling, or a person not smiling,” the victim advocate said.

Stalking protection orders exist in Georgia and may be an option for victims if a pattern of stalking occurs, along with fear for that of yourself or family.

Stalking is unpredictable and dangerous. No two stalking situations are alike. There are no guarantees that what works for one person will work for another, yet there are steps to increase your safety.

The National Center for Victims of Crime offers the following tips:

• If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
• Trust your instincts. Don’t downplay the danger. If you feel you are unsafe, you probably are.
• Take threats seriously. Danger generally is higher when the stalker talks about suicide or murder, or when a victim tries to leave or end the relationship.
• Contact a crisis hotline, victim services agency, or a domestic violence or rape crisis program. They can help you devise a safety plan, give you information about local laws, weigh options such as seeking a protection order and refer you to other services.
• Develop a safety plan, including things like changing your routine, arranging a place to stay, and having a friend or relative go places with you. Also, decide in advance what to do if the stalker shows up at your home, work, school, or somewhere else. Tell people how they can help you. Click here to learn more about safety plans.
• Don’t communicate with the stalker or respond to attempts to contact you.
• Keep evidence of the stalking. When the stalker follows you or contacts you, write down the time, date, and place. Keep emails, text messages, phone messages, letters, or notes. Photograph anything of yours the stalker damages and any injuries the stalker causes. Ask witnesses to write down what they saw. Click here to download a stalking incident and behavior log.
• Contact the police. Every state has stalking laws. The stalker may also have broken other laws by doing things like assaulting you or stealing or destroying your property.
• Consider getting a court order that tells the stalker to stay away from you.
• Tell family, friends, roommates, and co-workers about the stalking and seek their support.
• Tell security staff at your job or school. Ask them to help watch out for your safety.

Ramsey encourages anyone with someone inappropriately focused on them to contact S.A.F.E. for assistance in developing a plan. S.A.F.E. can be reached by dialing 706-379-3000.